I have read some of the relevant research, though of course when it comes to sexual orientation there are always a lot of caveats -- you can't assume that the subjects are being honest given issues like stigma, etc. I probably should have said bisexuality is relatively rare -- across all men, het is the most common, gay the second most, and bisexual the rarest orientation. Women are quite different -- het is still the most common, but bisexual is second most and lesbian the rarest. I think this is pretty well established, even if it isn't clear exactly what the percentages are for each orientation. Interestingly, in women sexual orientation correlates with sex drive -- in that women with a high sex drive are more likely to be bisexual, and in general orientation in women is more fluid than in men. I haven't read evidence that the same correlation is true in men. I think as a bisexual woman it is easy for me to think that men should be the same, but even men who intellectually want to be bisexual often find sexual relationships with men are much less compelling than with women. That being said, lots of men are capable of situational bisexuality - as often seen in prisons, the military, etc -- but stop having sex with men and return to having sex with women when the situation changes.
My own belief is that many people can make a sexual relationship work with someone who isn't their preferred type for awhile, but it can be hard to sustain over time especially if they are sexually exclusive. I think that we see this in gay men who marry women, make it work for a short while, but then realize that their orientation is too compelling and the sexual relationship with their wife is too weak. Often these men have truly loved their wives, and it is a tragic example of how love isn't always enough.
So in fanfic I sometimes have trouble in "suspending my disbelief" when two primarily het men get together, quickly promise to be monogamous and claim that they won't really miss having sex with women, and then are still having hot sex 2 decades later. Not that it isn't a fun fantasy for me to entertain, but it doesn't really hit me as realistic. I find this particularly to be the case in Kirk-McCoy fiction -- somehow in Kirk-Spock I can pretend that the telepathic connection crosses over mere sexual orientation, and in other m/m pairings it is rarer to characterize them as being primarily het because these pairings don't have previous canon relationships with women that the author has to deal with.
Getting back to Draws :) -- I don't have this problem with the Kirk-McCoy relationship here. I can believe Kirk as a fairly balanced bisexual, and McCoy as more primarily het, but still having a powerful connection with Kirk and Pike. Their having an open relationship and honestly acknowledging their differences in orientation really helps with the believability.
Ok, so much for my rant on sexual orientation -- you did say you enjoyed the discussion :)
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Date: 2010-01-08 05:20 am (UTC)I have read some of the relevant research, though of course when it comes to sexual orientation there are always a lot of caveats -- you can't assume that the subjects are being honest given issues like stigma, etc. I probably should have said bisexuality is relatively rare -- across all men, het is the most common, gay the second most, and bisexual the rarest orientation. Women are quite different -- het is still the most common, but bisexual is second most and lesbian the rarest. I think this is pretty well established, even if it isn't clear exactly what the percentages are for each orientation. Interestingly, in women sexual orientation correlates with sex drive -- in that women with a high sex drive are more likely to be bisexual, and in general orientation in women is more fluid than in men. I haven't read evidence that the same correlation is true in men. I think as a bisexual woman it is easy for me to think that men should be the same, but even men who intellectually want to be bisexual often find sexual relationships with men are much less compelling than with women. That being said, lots of men are capable of situational bisexuality - as often seen in prisons, the military, etc -- but stop having sex with men and return to having sex with women when the situation changes.
My own belief is that many people can make a sexual relationship work with someone who isn't their preferred type for awhile, but it can be hard to sustain over time especially if they are sexually exclusive. I think that we see this in gay men who marry women, make it work for a short while, but then realize that their orientation is too compelling and the sexual relationship with their wife is too weak. Often these men have truly loved their wives, and it is a tragic example of how love isn't always enough.
So in fanfic I sometimes have trouble in "suspending my disbelief" when two primarily het men get together, quickly promise to be monogamous and claim that they won't really miss having sex with women, and then are still having hot sex 2 decades later. Not that it isn't a fun fantasy for me to entertain, but it doesn't really hit me as realistic. I find this particularly to be the case in Kirk-McCoy fiction -- somehow in Kirk-Spock I can pretend that the telepathic connection crosses over mere sexual orientation, and in other m/m pairings it is rarer to characterize them as being primarily het because these pairings don't have previous canon relationships with women that the author has to deal with.
Getting back to Draws :) -- I don't have this problem with the Kirk-McCoy relationship here. I can believe Kirk as a fairly balanced bisexual, and McCoy as more primarily het, but still having a powerful connection with Kirk and Pike. Their having an open relationship and honestly acknowledging their differences in orientation really helps with the believability.
Ok, so much for my rant on sexual orientation -- you did say you enjoyed the discussion :)