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syredronningTitle: The People We Are, The Choices We Make
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
syredronning aka Acidqueen
Series: AOS aka Reboot aka ST:XI (AU)
Codes: K/Mc, Sa/Mc, S/Mc, S/U, K/Pike
Rating: NC-17; warnings: one rougher scene; one minor character death (accident)
Author's Note: My take on a universe in which Dominance/submission relationships are standard (like straight marriages right now). Kirk’s POV.
Many thanks tocyranothe2nd for the beta and great advice! All remaining errors and weaknesses are mine.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek, I own my brain. No infringement is intended, and no money is being made.
Summary: In a universe that places more importance on roles than people, Jim Kirk and Bones McCoy try to live their lives to the fullest, in sometimes different ways.
***
In Iowa, where Jim came from, all relationships were of the traditional kind – one partner was the dominant, one was the submissive. Nobody gave the concept a second thought, because it had always been like that. Over the first few dates, people not only fell in love but also checked out who’d be on top between them.
You were the boss if you decided the restaurant (and ordered the food, if you were really good), got kissed when you demanded it and didn’t hold back from a little spanking. You started to lay out the rules and if the relationship developed well, the other one started to follow them. You negotiated but kept in mind that it was your job to lead, and the other one’s to follow. Then you married and during the ceremony put the collar around the neck of your sub, who consequently became your obedient property. Fin.
That, at least, was what his teenage friends kept telling him. Maybe it worked for their parents, but it sure didn’t look like this to Jim. His mom was calling the shots at home, officially, but whenever she was away, Frank took off the collar and ran around as if he were the boss. He was constantly complaining to everyone and the world that Winona’s devilish kids had inherited that disobedient streak of George Kirk, who’d been known to run away to Starfleet against the will of his parents, so people sympathized with Frank and ignored his abuse of power. Devilish kids needed a good measure of discipline, right?
Jim grew up anyway, enjoying the one positive side-effect of being a hero’s son – it was easy to date girls. He always chose the restaurant and ordered the dishes, and the girls giggled and kissed him just as he asked them to, making him the Dom of the moment. It was fun while it lasted, but never fun enough to even think of a longer relationship. Twenty came and went and he still worked odd jobs and asked girls out for a few nights of sex, while all around him people got married and vanished into their new private lives – not all of them by their own will, like his best friend who was ordered to stop working in the lab after her wedding. He didn’t like it, but it seemed to be one of the unavoidable side effects of marriage.
One day, he’d marry and become a Dom like most other guys. He’d be the one to sign all the papers, have the banking account, own the house, and punish the wife and kids if they misbehaved. He’d make the big decisions and lots of the small ones too, and have good sex every night because subs had to deliver satisfaction. Such was life.
*
It was only when he joined Starfleet and found himself in San Francisco that he realized things could be different. Here, the roles were much less clearly defined. Many more women were sexually assertive, and many men were subordinate, letting go of the macho facade and letting their partner take control - in fact, everyone could perform every role with any gender (or alien, or whatever), and nobody much cared .
He started experimenting, with everyone who was willing to experiment with him. One of them being his room mate Leonard McCoy, MD, who he only called Bones. For all Jim knew, Bones had been the Dom in his marriage, though it hadn't helped him a lot when it fell apart. Now he was bordering on a celibate state, from which Jim could rescue him once in a while. Usually they had sex by tradeoff, hand jobs and blow jobs evenly distributed. When it came to fucking, Bones liked to be on top, but that seemed more caused by his essentially straight background and some insecurities about being on the receiving end than by some deeper need to dominate. Bones didn’t care who chose the restaurant and they always ordered their own dishes.
Jim liked this no-strings-attached thing he had with Bones, which so clearly defied the rural traditions he came from. It didn’t stop him from trying out other things, too. There was Laura from the engineering track, who was sexy and clever enough to get him on a leash for four weeks, before he grew weary of the temporary chain around his neck and her plans for their future careers which saw him transferring to her ship. After her, there was Charlie, an androgynous creature who kept him at arm’s length (he never found out hir biological gender) but Charlie’s voice was so hot that he could combust over hir ordering him to jerk off. There were a few others, women and men, that he submitted to over the course of the first academy months, but it never felt as good as what he had with Bones.
“That’s because you’re a switch, darling,” Bones muttered one night, lying in bed with Jim spooned behind him after a round of good sex.
“A switch?”
Bones laughed and turned around to face him. “God, you’re really from a backwater corner of the world. These are people who can’t decide the side they’re on, so they switch between roles all the time.”
“Actually, I think I don’t want to have any role,” Jim said after thinking a moment. “Both traditional roles feel strange to me.”
“Well, that’s fine for me,” Bones said and shrugged. “A lot of the roles’ stuff is bloated and sugar-coated by society. Once you put someone on a leash, you’ve got to be aware that you hold the other end of that leash. You’ve got to make the rules and stick to them yourself, and you’ve got all the responsibility. When you fuck up, you’re really fucked.”
“It’s still better than being the sub,” Jim said. “I like my partners being equal, not some inferior beings.”
“I can understand that take, but face it – most people feel better when the roles are clear. And subs don’t see themselves as inferior.”
“Yeah, sure,” Jim muttered. He reached around Bones’ body and grabbed one cheek, pulling their groins closer together. They were both half-hard, and he wanted more sex. “I’d like to fuck you,” he said, hoping Bones was in the mood for some bottoming.
“Considering you claiming you don’t want to top, you’re sure good at saying what you want,” Bones said amused.
“It was a question, not an order,” Jim stated. “Otherwise, I’d just order you to bend over the table.”
“You would?” Bones asked, eyes gleaming.
Jim pondered the thought. “I don’t know. I could do it, if it turned you on. But I’d rather not.”
“Fine by me.” Bones put his hand on Jim’s dick and teased the glans with his thumb, stroking the erection to full size. Then he rolled over and got on all fours without further preamble.
After that night, Jim finally had a tag for what he was – a bisexual switch – but as Bones had stated, it didn’t make finding a partner a lot easier. The Academy was anything-goes regarding to gender and species, but few people had none or switching role preferences. And once it came to marriage, even those formerly free switches suddenly had a classic ceremony where one of them was on the receiving end of a bracelet or collar. It got worst when the couple had a kid later, because everyone said that kids needed structure and good role models, so the switching aspect usually went right out of the window while the collar on the neck of the new sub came in through the door. Back to square one of traditional marriage.
Jim managed to maneuver around those relationship pitfalls by sticking to one-night-stands (with people of any role) and to Bones and their safe no-strings-relationship - until the Enterprise launched during the Narada crisis and everything changed.
*
At first, Kirk thought the change was only in their Starfleet status – with him suddenly being captain and Bones suddenly being CMO, they had a lot of responsibility towards ship and crew. The Enterprise slugged back to Earth after the crisis, but they barely had time to meet except for lunch or a dinner in the mess hall. It was there that Jim first noticed another change in Bones.
Everything seemed normal as long as their Vulcan guests stayed in their own quarters. But once they ate with them, Bones’ behavior changed. It took Jim a bit to realize that the reason for this was Sarek, Spock’s father.
It started out subtly with Bones getting up when Sarek joined them at the table, offering him a seat. Then Bones started to carry trays for the Vulcan, getting food and beverages, doing little errands. When they met with Sarek, Bones didn't speak unless it had to do with his CMO duties, and when they walked through corridors and doors, Bones always fell behind the Vulcan.
Jim was partly amused, partly confused by this behavior. It just didn't fit into the image he had had of his best friend, but, well - it wasn't unheard of that people who weren't usually submissive could switch sides when they met the right person. And it definitely looked as if Sarek pushed all the right buttons for Bones' submissive side.
The assumption was confirmed when Jim met Bones in med bay one day before Earthfall, asking him if they wanted to spend the night together.
"Sorry, Jim - I can't," Bones replied with a blush that Jim would've found rather endearing at any other time - but not when it was practically declaring the end of their fuck-buddy relationship. And Bones had been his favorite over the years, even though a standard relationship wouldn't ever have worked out between them.
"So, you're getting serious about Sarek?" he asked.
"Uh - yes." Bones nodded, a nervous twitch on his lips. "Very serious. And he doesn't want me to see other people."
"You’ve only known him for a few days," Jim said with a frown. "And you're already behaving like..." Like some brain-washed bottom, he felt like saying, but that would've been really insulting and he wanted to keep Bones as his friend and his CMO.
"Like some befuddled teenager, I know. I would think the same about anyone else who came to me and said something about having fallen in love so hard that he was willing to submit permanently."
"So - you are willing to do that?"
Bones sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. I've never thought of switching sides before, couldn't see myself kneeling next to anyone. But with him I want to kiss the ground he's walking on. I want to follow his every order. It turns me on to do so, and it turns him on to control me."
Jim stared at him in disbelief, until realization settled in. “So I guess you never were against the dominance-submission tradition after all, huh?”
Bones shrugged. “No, I wasn’t. Let’s face it, I’m an old-fashioned guy and I like the idea of the roles. They give a relationship structure and rules and some great guidelines to live by. However, the theory behind the roles is a lot different compared to what most people are actually living in their relationships, me and my ex included. It got me burned to the idea of another marriage with collaring. But with Sarek, it’s different. It’s not just roles between us. It’s coming from within us. It just fits.”
“So you suddenly found your well-hidden, naturally submissive side with him and are turning yourself over into his power right away?”
Bones drew a face over his words, but nodded. “That’s it, basically.”
"You ever consider that Sarek’s just lost his wife and maybe only needs a new willing object?" Jim said, unable to help himself.
Bones shook his head. "I know he's hurting. And while it's my profession to heal, I've never gone so far as seeing me as a private tool for that job," he stated. "When I’m with him, something just...resonates. Something I don't want to miss again. There's so much acceptance and trust."
"What about love?"
"Vulcans don't say the word, but yes, love."
“And you don’t fear this is going to end in disaster like your last marriage?” Jim didn’t feel comfortable bringing out the big guns - but on the other hand, Bones was bringing up a rather big plan. It wasn’t easy to get a divorce when you were the sub, and hard to run away when the Dom had discretionary power over your money. (Though on second thought, Bones had been through something like that already.)
“No.” Bones smiled. “And that simple fact tells me that this is the right choice. The few times after the divorce I came close to anyone, I instantly started comparing them to Jocelyn and looking out for the pitfalls… not this time.” He straightened a little on his chair. "We've planned to have the wedding and collaring ceremony when we're back in San Francisco. I hope you'll be there."
"Thanks for informing me well in time," Jim said stiffly.
Bones went up and around the table. "I'm sorry, Jim. It's a surprising development for me too, but believe me when I say I have never been so happy in all my life."
Jim looked at him, seeing that smile (damn, Bones had smiled more in the last few days than over the last few years) and those bright eyes. Yes, he was broadcasting happiness and Jim couldn't bring himself to diminish his friend's happiness by voicing his misgivings. This was Bones’ life, and he had no right to interfere.
"Yes, Bones, I'll be there," he said, and was rewarded with a hearty embrace, Bones' strong arms around him, their bodies pressed together.
"You sure you're still allowed to hug me?" Jim half-joked when they drew apart.
"Yeah," Bones twinkled. "He's promised that I can keep working onboard the Enterprise, among my friends, if that's what I really want to do and as long as I keep coming back in one piece."
"You're really something," Jim said and shook his head in astonishment. "You're going to let yourself get collared and then start a long-distance thing?"
"We will have several weeks before the Enterprises launches, which will give Sarek and me time to settle into the relationship. And then...we will see."
"Fine. Anything you want," Jim said, and at last left med bay, unable to beat down the strange feeling inside of him.
*
The marriage ceremony was performed two weeks later, before Spock's marriage with Uhura, who had been his sub ever since her second academy year. Obviously Sarek had insisted on having his own ceremony first, being the Head of House and all. All bridge members, some higher brass and a fair share of Vulcans, most of which Jim didn't know, attended the ceremony.
Bones was dressed in a very frugal, traditional Vulcan robe that had calligraphic signs running down the front. Jim assumed that the writing spelled out the rules coming with Bones' new status. He was also bare-foot and mostly looked to the ground when not looking at Sarek, not talking to anyone unless being addressed directly.
Sarek was dressed in a highly decorated robe, voluminous rings with jewels at his fingers and a large medallion hanging around his neck. Vulcan may be gone, but some riches of the House of Surak obviously must've been rescued. The ceremony itself was a mixture of Standard and Vulcan, with the classic formula of agreeing to be collared by love and something about becoming a chattel (which Jim really didn't like from the wording). There was also an older woman who seemed to be some kind of priestess, who mind melded with the two men and officially attested to them having what was simply called The Bond in standard, some kind of mental connection through which a partner could be controlled.
Really, the whole ceremony was filled with things Jim would never agree to, and he felt like he was watching Bones giving away his damn life and every freedom he'd ever had. He felt rather sick by the time Bones knelt down to accept the permanent, heavy-looking collar with the Vulcan's House seal prominently in front of his throat. Jim knew that all such collars and bracelets had an emergency opening mechanism but that essentially broke them apart and it was the Dom's decision if this also ended the relationship. Therefore, some subs rather died with the collar on than risk abandonment. One more of the things Jim hated about the traditional role-based relationship, and one reason why he'd never ever want to enter a relationship as a sub, no matter how much he occasionally enjoyed the role in a temporary setting.
When finally Sarek allowed Bones to get up – seems Bones needs to get permission for every little step, Jim thought sourly -, the attending humans applauded. People moved forward to congratulate, which meant a Vulcan greeting to Sarek, who received the congratulations for both of them. Being a rule-breaker by nature, Jim was the only one who had the nerve to grab Bones' hand and shake it after his words of congratulations to the Vulcan. "Congrats, Bones," he said, voice hoarse. "I hope this new life will be everything you hope for."
Bones' serious face broke into a smile. "Aw, Jim, thank you. I know it will be." There was that damn happiness radiating off of Bones again and it was clear as day that this had really been Bones' wish too, all the ceremony and formulas and the permanent collar, and Jim still didn't understand it. "See you at the reception, Jim," Bones added and pulled his hand back.
Jim hadn't wanted to attend the reception, but now he knew he couldn't stay away. He was relieved to see that Bones behaved a bit more like himself there, walking around and speaking to people on his own. Jim took a drink because it meant having something to do with his hands, then headed for a table at the far end of the room.
"It's hard on you, isn't it?" someone seated behind him said, and he turned around to find Pike in his wheel chair, his dress uniform jacket half unbuttoned and a glass in one hand.
"Earth relationships are rigid enough, but add Vulcan rules and you'll have one of the stiffest sets of all," the man said. "At least Sarek's got some experience with a human sub before, he should be doing okay. I knew his wife Amanda, and she didn't ever look like a brain-dead puppet like most other human subs on Vulcan did."
"You're not really setting my mind at ease," Jim murmured. "As far as I see it, Sarek's got every right now to chain up Bones in the back room of his next home and never let him get out again."
"Yes, he'd have the right. But McCoy is a good man and great doctor, and I bet Sarek's damn proud of him. Didn't you see that protective gaze in his eyes, and the way he loves to present him?" Pike sipped from his drink. "Though I've got to admit I was a little surprised - I thought you and the doctor would get together, with you as his sub."
"I'm not a one-role-person, and definitely not sub enough for this," Jim stated with a frown, his eyes on Bones, who was now trailing obediently along at his Vulcan master’s side. "I like my freedom of choice."
"I didn't say I wanted to see you end up like this. I only said I suspected it might happen." Pike put his empty glass aside. "I think I'll go home. Want to come with me?" he said casually.
"That's an invitation for the night? Not sure we'd be on the same wavelength," Jim said bluntly. He had always assumed Pike was a Dom kind of guy, and he really wasn't in the mood for submitting tonight.
"If fucking my ass is active enough for your taste, Kirk, then it's an invitation," Pike said just as bluntly.
"Now that sounds good," Jim said, ready for any action that could make him forget the events of today, at least for a while.
They left the reception together.
*
The next time he saw Bones, it was in a meeting together with other future Enterprise officers and their interaction was surprisingly easy. There were some rather noticeable changes, like Bones using barely any swearword and being much more polite to Spock – and of course, that damn collar that seemed to jump Jim’s eyes whenever he looked at him. But other than that, he behaved very professionally, spoke his mind (also when not asked) and didn’t bow or grovel at anyone.
Of course, there was no law that subs had to behave like that, but considering the Vulcan ceremony and the way Sarek seemed to control Bones in private, Jim had expected his friend to become more servile in general. It was a big relief that this wasn’t the case. The Enterprise needed a CMO that could hold his position under pressure, not just nod and obey when things got tough with the captain… or the first officer. Jim made a mental note to ask Bones if his new relationship to Spock might cause problems in that regard.
But then there was the wedding between Spock and Uhura, and once again Jim Kirk had to suffer through a ceremony that made him want to climb the walls. At least he was clever enough to vanish before the reception this time, and when he rang the door bell at Pike’s house, his mentor wasn’t surprised at all.
The split in his universe remained. In the work context, both Bones and Uhura acted rather normal and professional. But once he could see behind the curtain – or rather, was forced to, like by that one invitation to dinner with the two couples - Bones acted a lot more submissive than she did, not even going for a piss without permission. Jim couldn’t stomach it, and it must have shown, because Bones cornered him in Starfleet Headquarters the next morning.
“What’s your problem, Jim?” Bones snarled at him, almost like old times minus the obligatory ‘damn’. “Are you jealous or something?”
Jim laughed without humor. “Not at all.”
“Then what is it?” Bones asked insistently. “Tell me. Please.”
Jim raised his chin. “You want to know? Fine. I just can’t stand the way you act with Sarek. ‘May I eat? May I drink? May I leave the room?’ Fuck, you’d probably ask for permission to breathe if that were possible. It freaks me out to see you like that.”
Unexpectedly, Bones broke into laughter.
“What’s so funny about it?” Jim asked with a glare.
Bones smiled. “You think Sarek’s forcing me to behave like that, right?”
“Yes.”
“He’s just doing what I asked him to do.”
“Uh?”
“Yeah. See, day in, day out I’m the top dog of my department, I’m ordering people around, I’m supervising everything and everyone. I’m doing the most complicated surgeries, life and death at my fingertips. And I found out there is nothing better than to come home to Sarek and get rid of all the responsibilities and choices for a while. This kind of micro-management is like a vacation from my routines.”
“So you set up those rules?”
“I explained to him what turned me on and why, and he set them up. But I could negotiate the ones that I didn’t really agree with.”
“Did he change them?”
“Most of them.” Bones smiled again. “No Dom will negotiate on everything, you should know.”
“Yeah, that’s why I don’t have one.” Jim smiled back a little.
Bones eyed him, face turning more serious. “You really thought I was brain-washed by him, hm?”
“A little,” Jim agreed.
Bones sighed. “Well, let me tell you that we’ve got a relationship that’s based on mutual trust, that I wouldn’t have entered into it if I wasn’t very sure that Sarek would keep my best interests in mind, and that I’m still your friend, if you let me be. And I’ll still kick your ass next time you end up in sickbay after some unnecessary stunt.”
“Sounds good to me,” Jim replied, feeling a wave of relief washing over him. They turned around, walking side by side to their next meeting. “So it’s decided, you’ll stay as CMO even though we’ll go on a five-year-mission?”
“At least for now. Can’t promise the full five years, because if they set up the colony, I might be needed there,” Bones said. “But I’ll stay on the Enterprise as long as I can.”
This wasn’t quite what Jim had hoped but it was the best for now.
*
Although the Enterprise’s mission was planned to be exploring unknown parts of the galaxy, it had been decided that the first year should be spent with regular missions, so that the people could adjust to working together and the Enterprise's systems, seeing as she was freshly out of the docks, could be fine-tuned. Therefore the first mission was deadly boring, some planetary exploration during which Jim Kirk sat in his chair and twiddled his thumbs most of the time. Not a good start, and it left him edgy and with too much energy, which he uselessly tried to get rid of in the gym. There was a limit to how much sport his body could stand though, and he still had some pent-up frustration left to get rid of by the time he was finished with his workout.
Usually, he’d have sex.
Usually, he’d have sex with Bones.
But this wasn’t an option any longer, and while he may have eyed some of his crewmembers over the last weeks, he couldn’t imagine starting anything with one of his subordinates. It wasn’t exactly forbidden – nobody would’ve batted an eye if he’d taken a sub – but he couldn’t imagine what would happen if the relationship ended or if he wanted something else besides being on top (a captain, bottoming- the world would come to an end for most of his crew).
Another two weeks went by, and Jim Kirk started counting the days until the next shoreleave (fifty-seven, to be exact). Masturbating was barely scratching the itch he started to develop, and he remembered that he’d never gone without the real thing for longer than two weeks since he’d been sixteen.
Two days later, he went down to med bay to tell his tale of woe. Bones grinned a little but he was understanding and a bit concerned, and Jim received a hypo load of something that should reduce the imminent pressure of his hormones. As it also fiddled with his testosterone level, however, this wasn’t something they could use forever.
Well, for a while it was fine, Jim Kirk found and hoped that after the drug had run its course, his body would get adjusted to the low sex level.
But there was no such luck for him, and when the itch returned, it was back to his own hand and checking out young ensign’s asses, for which Jim hated himself but he just couldn’t stop.
It was late in another deadly boring night – where were the Klingons when he needed them? – when someone rang at Jim’s door. It was Bones, and he carried a bottle.
“Bones?” Jim asked surprised. In old times, coming over so late would’ve meant sex, but that was out of the question now. Or was it? He gaped as Bones locked the door.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Bones met his gaze. “Well – what we always did?”
“You’re kidding me? You’re Sarek’s property. He’ll probably fry my nuts next time we meet if we fool around.”
The doctor smiled amused and shook his head. “Kid, what did I tell you about mutual trust and stuff? Do you think I’d be here without Sarek’s permission?”
“I don’t believe you.”
“What?” Bones raised a brow.
Jim went out of bed and stopped at the divider, facing his friend. “I don’t believe you. You’re telling me Sarek knows you’re here? I want to see his written permission.”
“Do you?” Bones’ eyes turned to slits. “You’ve got a real trust issue with me by now, don’t you?”
“I’m not the one who gave himself into the complete control of another person,” Jim said sharply. “I want it official, okay? I want to make sure I’m not going to end with a broken neck because Spock wants to restore the honor of his father or something.”
For a second Bones was frozen, pondering his words. Then he slowly nodded. “I get your point. I’ll be back later.”
Due to the typical delays between starships and Earth, it took two days before Sarek’s message made it to the captain’s desk. It was crisp and short and said that Bones had been given permission to see that the captain of the Enterprise was performing at his best and if this included sexual services, Bones was allowed within the set limits (which the doctor would explain to him) to attend to his needs.
Jim sighed. He had never done anything with the subs of other people. It’d been his biggest rule in life, because things like that usually ended messy. However, none of these subs had been his best friend and former fuck-buddy, and damn, he really was in need of some sex.
Bones arrived late the next night, a bottle in his hand.
“Happy now?” he twinkled as he put down the bottle and locked the door.
“Let’s sit down first,” Jim said. “I want to know by what rules we’re playing.”
Bones took a seat.
“So, I guess there’s a ‘no-fucking’ rule?”
There was that amused smile again that showed up on Bones’ face whenever Jim got something wrong about that D/s relationship thing - as if he could possibly know how Sarek ticked. Obviously not like any sane human.
“There is no no-fucking rule. But if you listen for a minute, I can tell you the rules.”
“Alright, I’m all ears.”
The thumb went up. “First. No ordering me around in bed. Means also no tying up or taking control or anything.”
“Fine.”
The index finger followed. “Second, kissing is explicitly allowed.”
“Good.” Jim loved kissing; he doubted he would even want to have sex without kissing.
The middle finger went up for third. “We can fuck, but you’re not allowed to come in my body.”
“Okay.”
“Fourth, I’m not allowed to give you a blow job.”
“You mean it’s okay to put my dick in your ass but not in your mouth?” Jim asked surprised.
“Yeah. Mostly he just doesn’t want you to come in me, and as my blowjobs were always too good, well -” Bones blushed a little.
Jim nodded, trying to suppress the grin. “Alright, I get it. Make sure to remind me when I forget something in the heat of the action.”
“I sent you a message with the list.” Bones twinkled.
“Great,” Jim replied, not too sure if he really needed to see the four golden rules for sex with Sarek’s property in his mailbox, black on white. The situation was strange enough for him as it was.
But next thing he knew, Bones was kissing him and it was almost like old times and he had so fucking missed it. They undressed in a hurry and landed in bed, and while there were moments in which Jim tried to grab Bones and push his dick between those perfect lips, one or both of them always remembered the rule in time to avoid it.
They’d been really good boys, Jim thought when he opened his eyes on the next morning, relishing the wonderful well-fucked feeling in his whole body. There was still the taste of Bones’ come on his tongue, and while he liked it, he was also very thirsty. He grabbed a water bottle and took a few gulps, then turned around to look at Bones, tousled hair and all, once more jumped at by the telling collar.
It wasn’t his Bones anymore – what they had last night had been granted by Sarek and could be withdrawn any second – but it was still a good thing and if this was how they’d get together over the course of the mission, he would be stupid to say no.
He showered and returned to find Bones dressed. “I’ll shower in my own quarters,” Bones said, a slight apology in his voice.
“It’s alright,” Jim assured him, wondering if there was a no-breakfast-in-bed rule hiding somewhere. He pulled him close. “Thanks, Bones,” he whispered and placed a chaste kiss on his friend’s lips.
“You’re welcome,” Bones said. For a moment, they stood there with their foreheads pressed together, then Bones left.
*
They didn’t have nights like that very often, but Bones had an incredible sense of when Jim was reaching the limit of his endurance of sexual abstinence. And then he would be there, offering a drink (although Bones himself never got drunk anymore) and his body.
Yeah, that’s how it felt at times and Jim started to wonder if sometimes Bones came over for sex although he didn’t actually want to. He re-read Sarek’s message and it sounded almost as if he’d ordered Bones to do whatever necessary to make Jim functioning like a well-oiled machine (or ass?).
He cornered Bones with that the next time he came over. They’d be home in five days, he didn’t need any sex tonight, and he’d make it clear to Bones that he didn’t want anything Bones wouldn’t want to give freely (though given the ceremony, Jim doubted there was anything left for the ‘free’ part).
“You don’t have to do it, you know?” he said when Bones was barely through the door.
“Huh?” Bones frowned.
“I thought about our nights, and I don’t think I can do it anymore,” Jim said.
Bones placed down the bottle and sighed. “What’s your problem this time?”
“You never say no.”
“You never ask me to come. I come when I feel that you’re all strung-out and need a fuck,” Bones said a little amused.
“I can’t ask you to come because, remember, I’m not allowed to order you around when it comes to sex.”
“You could drop me a hint. I might get it.” Bones folded his arms. “So I still don’t get the problem.”
Jim averted his gaze. “I’m just not sure if the sex is something you want, okay? And if it’s really just a service to keep me from going nuts, then we should find another solution.”
Bones unlaced his arms and grabbed Jim by the shoulders. “Damnit, Jim, I don’t know why you keep having these ideas of me being forced to do things I don’t like.”
“Because you’re in a relationship in which you could be forced?” Jim replied.
“That doesn’t mean that I am forced, alright? When I saw how unhappy you were with the situation – and damn, even Spock came to me to talk about your restlessness, suggesting that you were missing the sex with me, I spoke to Sarek. I suggested the offer. We’ve always been there for each others when we needed it, and I wanted to make that possible again.”
Bones pulled him closer. “You’re my best friend, and in a way, I love you, okay? We never talked about having a relationship, and I doubt it would’ve worked, but you’re important to me. It’s completely different with Sarek – it’s absolutely not comparable, so you’re neither taking away something from him nor forcing anything on me that I don’t want, okay? And you falling back into the ‘oh my god he’s being forced’ shit is getting old. If you want to get rid of me, keep up that crap and you’ll see if I can’t make a choice.”
“You were told to keep me performing at my best,” Jim mumbled.
“And if that meant finding an intelligent little sub for you who’s switching behind closed doors and keeping her mouth shut, that would work just the same,” Bones snapped.
There was a deep silence for a moment. Then Jim swallowed hard. “I fucked up, right?”
Bones snorted. “Not yet, but close to it.”
“Guess a part of me still doesn’t get it,” Jim admitted. “Every time I see your collar, I get angry, somehow. Most people have thin ones like Uhura, or only a bracelet. You run around with a collar that looks like it's chiseled around your neck, a big loud statement that you’re a sub. I don’t even know how you manage to keep your department in check with that thing for everyone to see.”
Bones released his grip on Jim’s shoulder. “They’re professional enough not to confuse my preference in bed with my position in med bay. And there, I am their boss.”
“Never got any problems because of it?” Jim persisted.
“Guess someone might have said something some day, but it never reached my ears, okay?” Bones shrugged. “They had to get used to it but they’re my staff and at the end of the day all that counts is that they trust in my abilities, as a doctor and as their commanding officer.” He brushed through his hair.
“I wish you could think the same way, but I can see it’s not working for you,” he said sadly.
“I want to. I really try,” Jim said, realizing a little desperately that if he didn’t manage to convince Bones that he’d get a grip on his problem, his friend would leave in a moment and never return for another night.
“I’m sorry for being such an obstinate ass, okay? I don’t want to be. It’s just that freedom is so important to me that I start to think everyone should agree with me, and the ceremonies at your wedding were like the paramount of everything I didn’t want to hear – for me, you were giving away your freedom of choice, permanently, to a Vulcan to boot, when we all know that they taking that stuff absolutely serious.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, Jim,” Bones said. “But I’m tired of explaining that it was my choice to be with Sarek. We’d spent quite some time together, we had melds, intense, deep melds followed by long hours of talking. Mind melds…they’re incredible. In a way, you know everything about a person; not the memories or such, but the emotions are so clear.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jim replied, thinking back to the old Spock. He hadn’t really consented to the meld then, and he hadn’t agreed to another meld so far because it was slightly overwhelming and intrusive, in his opinion. “So you’re saying that you know all about Sarek and that there’s no danger of him doing something that would hurt you?”
“Right.” Bones nodded. “And if, some day, we don’t get along anymore, he promised to accept my asking for release.”
“Nothing you can count on,” Jim said darkly.
“I know he would do it. Because I’m important to him. And he’s important to me.” Bones shook his head. “This is getting us nowhere,” he said tiredly.
“Bones –“
“I’m sorry,” Bones said with a crooked smile. “Guess it’s the personal little sub for you after all.” He gazed at the bottle. “You can keep it,” he said, then turned and left.
Jim sank down on the chair and buried his face in his hands.
Onto part 2
Author:
syredronning aka Acidqueen Series: AOS aka Reboot aka ST:XI (AU)
Codes: K/Mc, Sa/Mc, S/Mc, S/U, K/Pike
Rating: NC-17; warnings: one rougher scene; one minor character death (accident)
Author's Note: My take on a universe in which Dominance/submission relationships are standard (like straight marriages right now). Kirk’s POV.
Many thanks to
cyranothe2nd for the beta and great advice! All remaining errors and weaknesses are mine.Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek, I own my brain. No infringement is intended, and no money is being made.
Summary: In a universe that places more importance on roles than people, Jim Kirk and Bones McCoy try to live their lives to the fullest, in sometimes different ways.
***
In Iowa, where Jim came from, all relationships were of the traditional kind – one partner was the dominant, one was the submissive. Nobody gave the concept a second thought, because it had always been like that. Over the first few dates, people not only fell in love but also checked out who’d be on top between them.
You were the boss if you decided the restaurant (and ordered the food, if you were really good), got kissed when you demanded it and didn’t hold back from a little spanking. You started to lay out the rules and if the relationship developed well, the other one started to follow them. You negotiated but kept in mind that it was your job to lead, and the other one’s to follow. Then you married and during the ceremony put the collar around the neck of your sub, who consequently became your obedient property. Fin.
That, at least, was what his teenage friends kept telling him. Maybe it worked for their parents, but it sure didn’t look like this to Jim. His mom was calling the shots at home, officially, but whenever she was away, Frank took off the collar and ran around as if he were the boss. He was constantly complaining to everyone and the world that Winona’s devilish kids had inherited that disobedient streak of George Kirk, who’d been known to run away to Starfleet against the will of his parents, so people sympathized with Frank and ignored his abuse of power. Devilish kids needed a good measure of discipline, right?
Jim grew up anyway, enjoying the one positive side-effect of being a hero’s son – it was easy to date girls. He always chose the restaurant and ordered the dishes, and the girls giggled and kissed him just as he asked them to, making him the Dom of the moment. It was fun while it lasted, but never fun enough to even think of a longer relationship. Twenty came and went and he still worked odd jobs and asked girls out for a few nights of sex, while all around him people got married and vanished into their new private lives – not all of them by their own will, like his best friend who was ordered to stop working in the lab after her wedding. He didn’t like it, but it seemed to be one of the unavoidable side effects of marriage.
One day, he’d marry and become a Dom like most other guys. He’d be the one to sign all the papers, have the banking account, own the house, and punish the wife and kids if they misbehaved. He’d make the big decisions and lots of the small ones too, and have good sex every night because subs had to deliver satisfaction. Such was life.
*
It was only when he joined Starfleet and found himself in San Francisco that he realized things could be different. Here, the roles were much less clearly defined. Many more women were sexually assertive, and many men were subordinate, letting go of the macho facade and letting their partner take control - in fact, everyone could perform every role with any gender (or alien, or whatever), and nobody much cared .
He started experimenting, with everyone who was willing to experiment with him. One of them being his room mate Leonard McCoy, MD, who he only called Bones. For all Jim knew, Bones had been the Dom in his marriage, though it hadn't helped him a lot when it fell apart. Now he was bordering on a celibate state, from which Jim could rescue him once in a while. Usually they had sex by tradeoff, hand jobs and blow jobs evenly distributed. When it came to fucking, Bones liked to be on top, but that seemed more caused by his essentially straight background and some insecurities about being on the receiving end than by some deeper need to dominate. Bones didn’t care who chose the restaurant and they always ordered their own dishes.
Jim liked this no-strings-attached thing he had with Bones, which so clearly defied the rural traditions he came from. It didn’t stop him from trying out other things, too. There was Laura from the engineering track, who was sexy and clever enough to get him on a leash for four weeks, before he grew weary of the temporary chain around his neck and her plans for their future careers which saw him transferring to her ship. After her, there was Charlie, an androgynous creature who kept him at arm’s length (he never found out hir biological gender) but Charlie’s voice was so hot that he could combust over hir ordering him to jerk off. There were a few others, women and men, that he submitted to over the course of the first academy months, but it never felt as good as what he had with Bones.
“That’s because you’re a switch, darling,” Bones muttered one night, lying in bed with Jim spooned behind him after a round of good sex.
“A switch?”
Bones laughed and turned around to face him. “God, you’re really from a backwater corner of the world. These are people who can’t decide the side they’re on, so they switch between roles all the time.”
“Actually, I think I don’t want to have any role,” Jim said after thinking a moment. “Both traditional roles feel strange to me.”
“Well, that’s fine for me,” Bones said and shrugged. “A lot of the roles’ stuff is bloated and sugar-coated by society. Once you put someone on a leash, you’ve got to be aware that you hold the other end of that leash. You’ve got to make the rules and stick to them yourself, and you’ve got all the responsibility. When you fuck up, you’re really fucked.”
“It’s still better than being the sub,” Jim said. “I like my partners being equal, not some inferior beings.”
“I can understand that take, but face it – most people feel better when the roles are clear. And subs don’t see themselves as inferior.”
“Yeah, sure,” Jim muttered. He reached around Bones’ body and grabbed one cheek, pulling their groins closer together. They were both half-hard, and he wanted more sex. “I’d like to fuck you,” he said, hoping Bones was in the mood for some bottoming.
“Considering you claiming you don’t want to top, you’re sure good at saying what you want,” Bones said amused.
“It was a question, not an order,” Jim stated. “Otherwise, I’d just order you to bend over the table.”
“You would?” Bones asked, eyes gleaming.
Jim pondered the thought. “I don’t know. I could do it, if it turned you on. But I’d rather not.”
“Fine by me.” Bones put his hand on Jim’s dick and teased the glans with his thumb, stroking the erection to full size. Then he rolled over and got on all fours without further preamble.
After that night, Jim finally had a tag for what he was – a bisexual switch – but as Bones had stated, it didn’t make finding a partner a lot easier. The Academy was anything-goes regarding to gender and species, but few people had none or switching role preferences. And once it came to marriage, even those formerly free switches suddenly had a classic ceremony where one of them was on the receiving end of a bracelet or collar. It got worst when the couple had a kid later, because everyone said that kids needed structure and good role models, so the switching aspect usually went right out of the window while the collar on the neck of the new sub came in through the door. Back to square one of traditional marriage.
Jim managed to maneuver around those relationship pitfalls by sticking to one-night-stands (with people of any role) and to Bones and their safe no-strings-relationship - until the Enterprise launched during the Narada crisis and everything changed.
*
At first, Kirk thought the change was only in their Starfleet status – with him suddenly being captain and Bones suddenly being CMO, they had a lot of responsibility towards ship and crew. The Enterprise slugged back to Earth after the crisis, but they barely had time to meet except for lunch or a dinner in the mess hall. It was there that Jim first noticed another change in Bones.
Everything seemed normal as long as their Vulcan guests stayed in their own quarters. But once they ate with them, Bones’ behavior changed. It took Jim a bit to realize that the reason for this was Sarek, Spock’s father.
It started out subtly with Bones getting up when Sarek joined them at the table, offering him a seat. Then Bones started to carry trays for the Vulcan, getting food and beverages, doing little errands. When they met with Sarek, Bones didn't speak unless it had to do with his CMO duties, and when they walked through corridors and doors, Bones always fell behind the Vulcan.
Jim was partly amused, partly confused by this behavior. It just didn't fit into the image he had had of his best friend, but, well - it wasn't unheard of that people who weren't usually submissive could switch sides when they met the right person. And it definitely looked as if Sarek pushed all the right buttons for Bones' submissive side.
The assumption was confirmed when Jim met Bones in med bay one day before Earthfall, asking him if they wanted to spend the night together.
"Sorry, Jim - I can't," Bones replied with a blush that Jim would've found rather endearing at any other time - but not when it was practically declaring the end of their fuck-buddy relationship. And Bones had been his favorite over the years, even though a standard relationship wouldn't ever have worked out between them.
"So, you're getting serious about Sarek?" he asked.
"Uh - yes." Bones nodded, a nervous twitch on his lips. "Very serious. And he doesn't want me to see other people."
"You’ve only known him for a few days," Jim said with a frown. "And you're already behaving like..." Like some brain-washed bottom, he felt like saying, but that would've been really insulting and he wanted to keep Bones as his friend and his CMO.
"Like some befuddled teenager, I know. I would think the same about anyone else who came to me and said something about having fallen in love so hard that he was willing to submit permanently."
"So - you are willing to do that?"
Bones sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. I've never thought of switching sides before, couldn't see myself kneeling next to anyone. But with him I want to kiss the ground he's walking on. I want to follow his every order. It turns me on to do so, and it turns him on to control me."
Jim stared at him in disbelief, until realization settled in. “So I guess you never were against the dominance-submission tradition after all, huh?”
Bones shrugged. “No, I wasn’t. Let’s face it, I’m an old-fashioned guy and I like the idea of the roles. They give a relationship structure and rules and some great guidelines to live by. However, the theory behind the roles is a lot different compared to what most people are actually living in their relationships, me and my ex included. It got me burned to the idea of another marriage with collaring. But with Sarek, it’s different. It’s not just roles between us. It’s coming from within us. It just fits.”
“So you suddenly found your well-hidden, naturally submissive side with him and are turning yourself over into his power right away?”
Bones drew a face over his words, but nodded. “That’s it, basically.”
"You ever consider that Sarek’s just lost his wife and maybe only needs a new willing object?" Jim said, unable to help himself.
Bones shook his head. "I know he's hurting. And while it's my profession to heal, I've never gone so far as seeing me as a private tool for that job," he stated. "When I’m with him, something just...resonates. Something I don't want to miss again. There's so much acceptance and trust."
"What about love?"
"Vulcans don't say the word, but yes, love."
“And you don’t fear this is going to end in disaster like your last marriage?” Jim didn’t feel comfortable bringing out the big guns - but on the other hand, Bones was bringing up a rather big plan. It wasn’t easy to get a divorce when you were the sub, and hard to run away when the Dom had discretionary power over your money. (Though on second thought, Bones had been through something like that already.)
“No.” Bones smiled. “And that simple fact tells me that this is the right choice. The few times after the divorce I came close to anyone, I instantly started comparing them to Jocelyn and looking out for the pitfalls… not this time.” He straightened a little on his chair. "We've planned to have the wedding and collaring ceremony when we're back in San Francisco. I hope you'll be there."
"Thanks for informing me well in time," Jim said stiffly.
Bones went up and around the table. "I'm sorry, Jim. It's a surprising development for me too, but believe me when I say I have never been so happy in all my life."
Jim looked at him, seeing that smile (damn, Bones had smiled more in the last few days than over the last few years) and those bright eyes. Yes, he was broadcasting happiness and Jim couldn't bring himself to diminish his friend's happiness by voicing his misgivings. This was Bones’ life, and he had no right to interfere.
"Yes, Bones, I'll be there," he said, and was rewarded with a hearty embrace, Bones' strong arms around him, their bodies pressed together.
"You sure you're still allowed to hug me?" Jim half-joked when they drew apart.
"Yeah," Bones twinkled. "He's promised that I can keep working onboard the Enterprise, among my friends, if that's what I really want to do and as long as I keep coming back in one piece."
"You're really something," Jim said and shook his head in astonishment. "You're going to let yourself get collared and then start a long-distance thing?"
"We will have several weeks before the Enterprises launches, which will give Sarek and me time to settle into the relationship. And then...we will see."
"Fine. Anything you want," Jim said, and at last left med bay, unable to beat down the strange feeling inside of him.
*
The marriage ceremony was performed two weeks later, before Spock's marriage with Uhura, who had been his sub ever since her second academy year. Obviously Sarek had insisted on having his own ceremony first, being the Head of House and all. All bridge members, some higher brass and a fair share of Vulcans, most of which Jim didn't know, attended the ceremony.
Bones was dressed in a very frugal, traditional Vulcan robe that had calligraphic signs running down the front. Jim assumed that the writing spelled out the rules coming with Bones' new status. He was also bare-foot and mostly looked to the ground when not looking at Sarek, not talking to anyone unless being addressed directly.
Sarek was dressed in a highly decorated robe, voluminous rings with jewels at his fingers and a large medallion hanging around his neck. Vulcan may be gone, but some riches of the House of Surak obviously must've been rescued. The ceremony itself was a mixture of Standard and Vulcan, with the classic formula of agreeing to be collared by love and something about becoming a chattel (which Jim really didn't like from the wording). There was also an older woman who seemed to be some kind of priestess, who mind melded with the two men and officially attested to them having what was simply called The Bond in standard, some kind of mental connection through which a partner could be controlled.
Really, the whole ceremony was filled with things Jim would never agree to, and he felt like he was watching Bones giving away his damn life and every freedom he'd ever had. He felt rather sick by the time Bones knelt down to accept the permanent, heavy-looking collar with the Vulcan's House seal prominently in front of his throat. Jim knew that all such collars and bracelets had an emergency opening mechanism but that essentially broke them apart and it was the Dom's decision if this also ended the relationship. Therefore, some subs rather died with the collar on than risk abandonment. One more of the things Jim hated about the traditional role-based relationship, and one reason why he'd never ever want to enter a relationship as a sub, no matter how much he occasionally enjoyed the role in a temporary setting.
When finally Sarek allowed Bones to get up – seems Bones needs to get permission for every little step, Jim thought sourly -, the attending humans applauded. People moved forward to congratulate, which meant a Vulcan greeting to Sarek, who received the congratulations for both of them. Being a rule-breaker by nature, Jim was the only one who had the nerve to grab Bones' hand and shake it after his words of congratulations to the Vulcan. "Congrats, Bones," he said, voice hoarse. "I hope this new life will be everything you hope for."
Bones' serious face broke into a smile. "Aw, Jim, thank you. I know it will be." There was that damn happiness radiating off of Bones again and it was clear as day that this had really been Bones' wish too, all the ceremony and formulas and the permanent collar, and Jim still didn't understand it. "See you at the reception, Jim," Bones added and pulled his hand back.
Jim hadn't wanted to attend the reception, but now he knew he couldn't stay away. He was relieved to see that Bones behaved a bit more like himself there, walking around and speaking to people on his own. Jim took a drink because it meant having something to do with his hands, then headed for a table at the far end of the room.
"It's hard on you, isn't it?" someone seated behind him said, and he turned around to find Pike in his wheel chair, his dress uniform jacket half unbuttoned and a glass in one hand.
"Earth relationships are rigid enough, but add Vulcan rules and you'll have one of the stiffest sets of all," the man said. "At least Sarek's got some experience with a human sub before, he should be doing okay. I knew his wife Amanda, and she didn't ever look like a brain-dead puppet like most other human subs on Vulcan did."
"You're not really setting my mind at ease," Jim murmured. "As far as I see it, Sarek's got every right now to chain up Bones in the back room of his next home and never let him get out again."
"Yes, he'd have the right. But McCoy is a good man and great doctor, and I bet Sarek's damn proud of him. Didn't you see that protective gaze in his eyes, and the way he loves to present him?" Pike sipped from his drink. "Though I've got to admit I was a little surprised - I thought you and the doctor would get together, with you as his sub."
"I'm not a one-role-person, and definitely not sub enough for this," Jim stated with a frown, his eyes on Bones, who was now trailing obediently along at his Vulcan master’s side. "I like my freedom of choice."
"I didn't say I wanted to see you end up like this. I only said I suspected it might happen." Pike put his empty glass aside. "I think I'll go home. Want to come with me?" he said casually.
"That's an invitation for the night? Not sure we'd be on the same wavelength," Jim said bluntly. He had always assumed Pike was a Dom kind of guy, and he really wasn't in the mood for submitting tonight.
"If fucking my ass is active enough for your taste, Kirk, then it's an invitation," Pike said just as bluntly.
"Now that sounds good," Jim said, ready for any action that could make him forget the events of today, at least for a while.
They left the reception together.
*
The next time he saw Bones, it was in a meeting together with other future Enterprise officers and their interaction was surprisingly easy. There were some rather noticeable changes, like Bones using barely any swearword and being much more polite to Spock – and of course, that damn collar that seemed to jump Jim’s eyes whenever he looked at him. But other than that, he behaved very professionally, spoke his mind (also when not asked) and didn’t bow or grovel at anyone.
Of course, there was no law that subs had to behave like that, but considering the Vulcan ceremony and the way Sarek seemed to control Bones in private, Jim had expected his friend to become more servile in general. It was a big relief that this wasn’t the case. The Enterprise needed a CMO that could hold his position under pressure, not just nod and obey when things got tough with the captain… or the first officer. Jim made a mental note to ask Bones if his new relationship to Spock might cause problems in that regard.
But then there was the wedding between Spock and Uhura, and once again Jim Kirk had to suffer through a ceremony that made him want to climb the walls. At least he was clever enough to vanish before the reception this time, and when he rang the door bell at Pike’s house, his mentor wasn’t surprised at all.
The split in his universe remained. In the work context, both Bones and Uhura acted rather normal and professional. But once he could see behind the curtain – or rather, was forced to, like by that one invitation to dinner with the two couples - Bones acted a lot more submissive than she did, not even going for a piss without permission. Jim couldn’t stomach it, and it must have shown, because Bones cornered him in Starfleet Headquarters the next morning.
“What’s your problem, Jim?” Bones snarled at him, almost like old times minus the obligatory ‘damn’. “Are you jealous or something?”
Jim laughed without humor. “Not at all.”
“Then what is it?” Bones asked insistently. “Tell me. Please.”
Jim raised his chin. “You want to know? Fine. I just can’t stand the way you act with Sarek. ‘May I eat? May I drink? May I leave the room?’ Fuck, you’d probably ask for permission to breathe if that were possible. It freaks me out to see you like that.”
Unexpectedly, Bones broke into laughter.
“What’s so funny about it?” Jim asked with a glare.
Bones smiled. “You think Sarek’s forcing me to behave like that, right?”
“Yes.”
“He’s just doing what I asked him to do.”
“Uh?”
“Yeah. See, day in, day out I’m the top dog of my department, I’m ordering people around, I’m supervising everything and everyone. I’m doing the most complicated surgeries, life and death at my fingertips. And I found out there is nothing better than to come home to Sarek and get rid of all the responsibilities and choices for a while. This kind of micro-management is like a vacation from my routines.”
“So you set up those rules?”
“I explained to him what turned me on and why, and he set them up. But I could negotiate the ones that I didn’t really agree with.”
“Did he change them?”
“Most of them.” Bones smiled again. “No Dom will negotiate on everything, you should know.”
“Yeah, that’s why I don’t have one.” Jim smiled back a little.
Bones eyed him, face turning more serious. “You really thought I was brain-washed by him, hm?”
“A little,” Jim agreed.
Bones sighed. “Well, let me tell you that we’ve got a relationship that’s based on mutual trust, that I wouldn’t have entered into it if I wasn’t very sure that Sarek would keep my best interests in mind, and that I’m still your friend, if you let me be. And I’ll still kick your ass next time you end up in sickbay after some unnecessary stunt.”
“Sounds good to me,” Jim replied, feeling a wave of relief washing over him. They turned around, walking side by side to their next meeting. “So it’s decided, you’ll stay as CMO even though we’ll go on a five-year-mission?”
“At least for now. Can’t promise the full five years, because if they set up the colony, I might be needed there,” Bones said. “But I’ll stay on the Enterprise as long as I can.”
This wasn’t quite what Jim had hoped but it was the best for now.
*
Although the Enterprise’s mission was planned to be exploring unknown parts of the galaxy, it had been decided that the first year should be spent with regular missions, so that the people could adjust to working together and the Enterprise's systems, seeing as she was freshly out of the docks, could be fine-tuned. Therefore the first mission was deadly boring, some planetary exploration during which Jim Kirk sat in his chair and twiddled his thumbs most of the time. Not a good start, and it left him edgy and with too much energy, which he uselessly tried to get rid of in the gym. There was a limit to how much sport his body could stand though, and he still had some pent-up frustration left to get rid of by the time he was finished with his workout.
Usually, he’d have sex.
Usually, he’d have sex with Bones.
But this wasn’t an option any longer, and while he may have eyed some of his crewmembers over the last weeks, he couldn’t imagine starting anything with one of his subordinates. It wasn’t exactly forbidden – nobody would’ve batted an eye if he’d taken a sub – but he couldn’t imagine what would happen if the relationship ended or if he wanted something else besides being on top (a captain, bottoming- the world would come to an end for most of his crew).
Another two weeks went by, and Jim Kirk started counting the days until the next shoreleave (fifty-seven, to be exact). Masturbating was barely scratching the itch he started to develop, and he remembered that he’d never gone without the real thing for longer than two weeks since he’d been sixteen.
Two days later, he went down to med bay to tell his tale of woe. Bones grinned a little but he was understanding and a bit concerned, and Jim received a hypo load of something that should reduce the imminent pressure of his hormones. As it also fiddled with his testosterone level, however, this wasn’t something they could use forever.
Well, for a while it was fine, Jim Kirk found and hoped that after the drug had run its course, his body would get adjusted to the low sex level.
But there was no such luck for him, and when the itch returned, it was back to his own hand and checking out young ensign’s asses, for which Jim hated himself but he just couldn’t stop.
It was late in another deadly boring night – where were the Klingons when he needed them? – when someone rang at Jim’s door. It was Bones, and he carried a bottle.
“Bones?” Jim asked surprised. In old times, coming over so late would’ve meant sex, but that was out of the question now. Or was it? He gaped as Bones locked the door.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Bones met his gaze. “Well – what we always did?”
“You’re kidding me? You’re Sarek’s property. He’ll probably fry my nuts next time we meet if we fool around.”
The doctor smiled amused and shook his head. “Kid, what did I tell you about mutual trust and stuff? Do you think I’d be here without Sarek’s permission?”
“I don’t believe you.”
“What?” Bones raised a brow.
Jim went out of bed and stopped at the divider, facing his friend. “I don’t believe you. You’re telling me Sarek knows you’re here? I want to see his written permission.”
“Do you?” Bones’ eyes turned to slits. “You’ve got a real trust issue with me by now, don’t you?”
“I’m not the one who gave himself into the complete control of another person,” Jim said sharply. “I want it official, okay? I want to make sure I’m not going to end with a broken neck because Spock wants to restore the honor of his father or something.”
For a second Bones was frozen, pondering his words. Then he slowly nodded. “I get your point. I’ll be back later.”
Due to the typical delays between starships and Earth, it took two days before Sarek’s message made it to the captain’s desk. It was crisp and short and said that Bones had been given permission to see that the captain of the Enterprise was performing at his best and if this included sexual services, Bones was allowed within the set limits (which the doctor would explain to him) to attend to his needs.
Jim sighed. He had never done anything with the subs of other people. It’d been his biggest rule in life, because things like that usually ended messy. However, none of these subs had been his best friend and former fuck-buddy, and damn, he really was in need of some sex.
Bones arrived late the next night, a bottle in his hand.
“Happy now?” he twinkled as he put down the bottle and locked the door.
“Let’s sit down first,” Jim said. “I want to know by what rules we’re playing.”
Bones took a seat.
“So, I guess there’s a ‘no-fucking’ rule?”
There was that amused smile again that showed up on Bones’ face whenever Jim got something wrong about that D/s relationship thing - as if he could possibly know how Sarek ticked. Obviously not like any sane human.
“There is no no-fucking rule. But if you listen for a minute, I can tell you the rules.”
“Alright, I’m all ears.”
The thumb went up. “First. No ordering me around in bed. Means also no tying up or taking control or anything.”
“Fine.”
The index finger followed. “Second, kissing is explicitly allowed.”
“Good.” Jim loved kissing; he doubted he would even want to have sex without kissing.
The middle finger went up for third. “We can fuck, but you’re not allowed to come in my body.”
“Okay.”
“Fourth, I’m not allowed to give you a blow job.”
“You mean it’s okay to put my dick in your ass but not in your mouth?” Jim asked surprised.
“Yeah. Mostly he just doesn’t want you to come in me, and as my blowjobs were always too good, well -” Bones blushed a little.
Jim nodded, trying to suppress the grin. “Alright, I get it. Make sure to remind me when I forget something in the heat of the action.”
“I sent you a message with the list.” Bones twinkled.
“Great,” Jim replied, not too sure if he really needed to see the four golden rules for sex with Sarek’s property in his mailbox, black on white. The situation was strange enough for him as it was.
But next thing he knew, Bones was kissing him and it was almost like old times and he had so fucking missed it. They undressed in a hurry and landed in bed, and while there were moments in which Jim tried to grab Bones and push his dick between those perfect lips, one or both of them always remembered the rule in time to avoid it.
They’d been really good boys, Jim thought when he opened his eyes on the next morning, relishing the wonderful well-fucked feeling in his whole body. There was still the taste of Bones’ come on his tongue, and while he liked it, he was also very thirsty. He grabbed a water bottle and took a few gulps, then turned around to look at Bones, tousled hair and all, once more jumped at by the telling collar.
It wasn’t his Bones anymore – what they had last night had been granted by Sarek and could be withdrawn any second – but it was still a good thing and if this was how they’d get together over the course of the mission, he would be stupid to say no.
He showered and returned to find Bones dressed. “I’ll shower in my own quarters,” Bones said, a slight apology in his voice.
“It’s alright,” Jim assured him, wondering if there was a no-breakfast-in-bed rule hiding somewhere. He pulled him close. “Thanks, Bones,” he whispered and placed a chaste kiss on his friend’s lips.
“You’re welcome,” Bones said. For a moment, they stood there with their foreheads pressed together, then Bones left.
*
They didn’t have nights like that very often, but Bones had an incredible sense of when Jim was reaching the limit of his endurance of sexual abstinence. And then he would be there, offering a drink (although Bones himself never got drunk anymore) and his body.
Yeah, that’s how it felt at times and Jim started to wonder if sometimes Bones came over for sex although he didn’t actually want to. He re-read Sarek’s message and it sounded almost as if he’d ordered Bones to do whatever necessary to make Jim functioning like a well-oiled machine (or ass?).
He cornered Bones with that the next time he came over. They’d be home in five days, he didn’t need any sex tonight, and he’d make it clear to Bones that he didn’t want anything Bones wouldn’t want to give freely (though given the ceremony, Jim doubted there was anything left for the ‘free’ part).
“You don’t have to do it, you know?” he said when Bones was barely through the door.
“Huh?” Bones frowned.
“I thought about our nights, and I don’t think I can do it anymore,” Jim said.
Bones placed down the bottle and sighed. “What’s your problem this time?”
“You never say no.”
“You never ask me to come. I come when I feel that you’re all strung-out and need a fuck,” Bones said a little amused.
“I can’t ask you to come because, remember, I’m not allowed to order you around when it comes to sex.”
“You could drop me a hint. I might get it.” Bones folded his arms. “So I still don’t get the problem.”
Jim averted his gaze. “I’m just not sure if the sex is something you want, okay? And if it’s really just a service to keep me from going nuts, then we should find another solution.”
Bones unlaced his arms and grabbed Jim by the shoulders. “Damnit, Jim, I don’t know why you keep having these ideas of me being forced to do things I don’t like.”
“Because you’re in a relationship in which you could be forced?” Jim replied.
“That doesn’t mean that I am forced, alright? When I saw how unhappy you were with the situation – and damn, even Spock came to me to talk about your restlessness, suggesting that you were missing the sex with me, I spoke to Sarek. I suggested the offer. We’ve always been there for each others when we needed it, and I wanted to make that possible again.”
Bones pulled him closer. “You’re my best friend, and in a way, I love you, okay? We never talked about having a relationship, and I doubt it would’ve worked, but you’re important to me. It’s completely different with Sarek – it’s absolutely not comparable, so you’re neither taking away something from him nor forcing anything on me that I don’t want, okay? And you falling back into the ‘oh my god he’s being forced’ shit is getting old. If you want to get rid of me, keep up that crap and you’ll see if I can’t make a choice.”
“You were told to keep me performing at my best,” Jim mumbled.
“And if that meant finding an intelligent little sub for you who’s switching behind closed doors and keeping her mouth shut, that would work just the same,” Bones snapped.
There was a deep silence for a moment. Then Jim swallowed hard. “I fucked up, right?”
Bones snorted. “Not yet, but close to it.”
“Guess a part of me still doesn’t get it,” Jim admitted. “Every time I see your collar, I get angry, somehow. Most people have thin ones like Uhura, or only a bracelet. You run around with a collar that looks like it's chiseled around your neck, a big loud statement that you’re a sub. I don’t even know how you manage to keep your department in check with that thing for everyone to see.”
Bones released his grip on Jim’s shoulder. “They’re professional enough not to confuse my preference in bed with my position in med bay. And there, I am their boss.”
“Never got any problems because of it?” Jim persisted.
“Guess someone might have said something some day, but it never reached my ears, okay?” Bones shrugged. “They had to get used to it but they’re my staff and at the end of the day all that counts is that they trust in my abilities, as a doctor and as their commanding officer.” He brushed through his hair.
“I wish you could think the same way, but I can see it’s not working for you,” he said sadly.
“I want to. I really try,” Jim said, realizing a little desperately that if he didn’t manage to convince Bones that he’d get a grip on his problem, his friend would leave in a moment and never return for another night.
“I’m sorry for being such an obstinate ass, okay? I don’t want to be. It’s just that freedom is so important to me that I start to think everyone should agree with me, and the ceremonies at your wedding were like the paramount of everything I didn’t want to hear – for me, you were giving away your freedom of choice, permanently, to a Vulcan to boot, when we all know that they taking that stuff absolutely serious.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, Jim,” Bones said. “But I’m tired of explaining that it was my choice to be with Sarek. We’d spent quite some time together, we had melds, intense, deep melds followed by long hours of talking. Mind melds…they’re incredible. In a way, you know everything about a person; not the memories or such, but the emotions are so clear.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jim replied, thinking back to the old Spock. He hadn’t really consented to the meld then, and he hadn’t agreed to another meld so far because it was slightly overwhelming and intrusive, in his opinion. “So you’re saying that you know all about Sarek and that there’s no danger of him doing something that would hurt you?”
“Right.” Bones nodded. “And if, some day, we don’t get along anymore, he promised to accept my asking for release.”
“Nothing you can count on,” Jim said darkly.
“I know he would do it. Because I’m important to him. And he’s important to me.” Bones shook his head. “This is getting us nowhere,” he said tiredly.
“Bones –“
“I’m sorry,” Bones said with a crooked smile. “Guess it’s the personal little sub for you after all.” He gazed at the bottle. “You can keep it,” he said, then turned and left.
Jim sank down on the chair and buried his face in his hands.
Onto part 2
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 09:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:12 pm (UTC)/experimental
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:43 pm (UTC)Bones' explanation of why he wants to be in the relationship with Sarek is right-on, especially in the face of Kirk's (in this world: crazy) disbelief.
Can't wait for more!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:45 pm (UTC)When I read the list of pairing and got to Sa/Mc, I was all WTF?!?! But you made it work so wonderfully and it was so believable!
Great job! I can't wait for more!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 10:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-19 11:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 12:11 am (UTC)Man, the sociology student inside me is orgasming constantly with you exploring this premise of yours.
But seriously. Breaking my heart. I'm going to cry.
*cries* Poor Jim. ;___; I'm happy for you Bones, but poor Jiiiiiim. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:21 pm (UTC)*hugs* no need to cry...
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 12:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 03:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 09:21 am (UTC)"If fucking my ass is active enough for your taste, Kirk, then it's an invitation," Pike said just as bluntly.
"Now that sounds good," Jim said, ready for any action that could make him forget the events of today, at least for a while.
They left the reception together.
Consequently, my brain goes all mushy. :/
Anywho, I will be reading the next bits. There's something about your writing that really draws a girl in, you know?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:23 pm (UTC)Glad you liked the snippet I managed for them! :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 12:14 pm (UTC)So, intrigued and can't wait for more!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 03:28 pm (UTC)Also: "At least he was clever enough to vanish before the reception this time, and when he rang the door bell at Pike’s house, his mentor wasn’t surprised at all."
Something about the juxtaposition of the word mentor and what exactly is implied to happen next just made me go :D to no end.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 05:25 pm (UTC)Glad you liked the premise!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 07:43 pm (UTC)It's so interesting, too, to see Kirk's problems with authority (rebelling and wanting to be his own master but wanting the captaincy, too) reflected in his ambivalence about dom/sub roles. He really doesn't like to be bound by rules, doesn't he.
Bones' "adoption" of Sarek as a master made me chuckle. Loved the little signs and Jim's confusion. For some reason, I'm picturing ML's Sarek here because BC didn't have nearly the same aura of power.
And last but not least, this line of Pike's totally turned me on: "If fucking my ass is active enough for your taste, Kirk, then it's an invitation," Pike said just as bluntly.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-20 07:47 pm (UTC)I totally see Mark Lenard as Sarek because the new one did NOTHING for me. However, I can handle ML Sarek with AOS characters :)
The Pike line seems to be a real success *G* Glad you liked it!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-21 12:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-22 02:07 am (UTC)Funny thing: I didn't pay attention to who write this at first and while reading it, I was so thinking that I needed to rec this to you, because Sarek/Mccoy, y'know...
And then my brain went *wait* Sarek/Mccoy? Who (else) writes this, right? So When I checked the author and saw it was you I so headslapped myself.
*grins*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-22 04:07 am (UTC)Glad you liked this this far!